Ruts and funks

Sometimes life does not go the way we want it to. It's a simple concept that I am fully aware of. Life isn't fair, we learn that as children. Things don't always go our way. But for a (occasional) control freak like myself, it's a difficult concept to accept. I usually do a good job accepting life as it comes. However, sometimes, when things are thrown at me like baseballs, it just gets to be too much. My inner child (my rebel self) wants to throw a tantrum. Stomp my feet, scream at the top of my lungs. But my practical self, my annoying, overbearing practical self, will not allow me. I must be nice. I must take everything graciously, smiling all the way. And when that all just seems like too much, what do I do? I descend into a funk. Feeling all funkyfied, I forget that exercise makes me feel better. In fact, my rebel self refuses to exercise. I just wallow in all my funkyfied funkiness.
It goes like this. Practical Julia says, come on now, it's time to workout. Rebel Julia says, NO, and stomps her foot. I WON'T DO IT. I WILL SIT ON THIS COUCH. WALLOWING IN MY FUNK. Rebel Julia has a strong will and usually wins out when it comes to this.
But the fact of the matter is that wallowing will not change the circumstances. It will not put off adult decisions that must be made. People will still leave and work will still roll around every morning. And all the Green Mountain experience will not get my ass off the couch if I don't let it.
So what do I do? Well, tonight I used all my Green Mountain learning to help pull myself out of my funk. Did I put on my sneakers and work out? Nope. I took a bath. A long, hot, steaming bath in my wonderfully deep bathtub. And I played my favorite Norah Jones CD. And I petted my cat and used my absolute best smelling lavendar lotion after my bath. I used every single self soothing technique I could remember that Darla taught us. And I wrote it all out here, where everyone can read it because I've found that blogging makes me feel better.
Even 2 weeks at Green Mountain can't change the fact that we all go through funks. We all sometimes feel like life is beating us black and blue. It can't change that sometimes we don't want to smile and be pleasant and congratulate everyone else on all the wonderful things happening to them, all the while screaming inside, I want something wonderful too!! We just have to make wonderful for ourselves, even if it was just a wonderful, lavender scented hot bath. Small steps here. Ridiculously small steps.

That one thing...

You know how, when you are really stressed, and there is this one small thing that happens that usually would be totally nothing. But at that moment, when you are already totally stressed and emotional, it becomes that one thing that sends you over the edge. To a total meltdown. And you find yourself on the couch, crying, because you can't find your headphones. Well, yeah, that was me this evening. Crying over headphones.
Let me back up. As I have said in other blogs, I have a few things in my life right now that are causing me stress. They are things I would rather not talk about here but the people that are close to me know about. Anyway, I learned a lot of techniques at Green Mountain to help me deal with stress. The problem is using those techniques instead of falling into your usual old habits. When I get really stressed and upset, I tend to sit on my couch and do nothing. Just sit. I also use food to deal with stress. So this evening, I found myself sitting on my couch, over thinking and allowing thoughts to run like mad through my mind. Then I took a deep breath and decided, what would my Green Mountain me do right now?? She would get up and take a walk! So I put my sneakers on and got some water in a water bottle and went into my bedroom to get my headphones. My headphones were in my carry on bag and the last time I used them was on the plane home from Florida. I reached into my carry on bag, which I realized was completely unpacked, and no headphones. So I walked into my living room, still calm at this point, to see if they were there. No. So maybe the kitchen? No. Then I started to get flustered. Where were they? Checked the carry on bag again, kitchen again, living room again. No headphones. That was when the meltdown started. No headphones! How as I going to go on a walk without my headphones! Plus I keep my headphones in this little bag that my boyfriend gave me from Pakistan and l love that little bag. I was almost more upset about losing the bag than the headphones. I can replace the headphones but not the bag. After completely turning my apartment upside down and looking everywhere for my headphones, I had to admit to myself they were gone. They probably fell out of my carry on bag in the plane. Well, cue meltdown. I couldn't go on a walk without my headphones! And if I couldn't go on a walk, I was completely letting down my Green Mountain me! I was literally ready to head for my bed and hide under my covers (Darla taught us about self soothing techniques and one is swaddling, in other words, burying yourself in the covers). But I took a deep breath and tried very hard to move past my meltdown. You don't have to go on a walk. You can do the Green Mountain Momentum DVD. You can restart Jillian Michaels Body Revolution, which I've been meaning to do anyway. Deep breath, drink some water, deep breath. So I did the Jillian Michaels Body Revolution day 1 DVD and it was hard!! I sweated for 30 minutes straight. And when I was done, I was so happy I did it. Which leads me to a Green Mountain affirmation, you will never regret a workout. You will never work out and think afterwards, I really wish I hadn't done that. You will always feel better after a workout than before.
I received 2 pieces of mail today that brought a little happiness to my otherwise stressful day. One is the thank you letter I wrote to myself on day 10 of my time at Green Mountain. I had intentionally planned to have them mail this to me in one month. I've been home a little over one month now and it's arrival couldn't have been at a better time.

My Green Mountain Thank You letter

The second piece of mail was "This Month Belongs to Me!" cards that my BFF Beth (at Beth's New Start, check out her blog) made me. The cards are a months worth of affirmations and reminders. All laminated and on cute paper. Beth is so creative!! Day # 4 says, I have never regretted being active. Exactly!! Thanks Beth!

On a completely lighter note, I have just finished rereading a book called Wild (by Cheryl Strayed). This is an amazing book, and just as amazing the second time around, about a woman who sets out to hike the Pacific Crest Trail from California to Oregon. Her journey is inspiring. I would highly recommend it! I am now rereading A Walk in the Woods (by Bill Bryson) about a man who hikes the complete Appalachian Trail from Georgia to Maine. I read it first quite a few years ago so it's almost like reading it for the first time. I'm only about a chapter into it. Well, I was thoroughly inspired by Wild that I thought, I could go hiking like that. Wouldn't that be awesome. It would be such a journey of self discovery. Maybe I wouldn't have to do the whole trail. Maybe take a month off work, hike a months worth of the Appalachian trail. Which led me to start researching hiking on the Appalachian trail. Which quickly led me to realize, I don't think I could do that. You have to use outhouses. If they are available. Otherwise, you have to bury your own poop. And there detailed explanations on how to do that. And there are snakes, and spiders, and ticks, and rodents, and bears. And there are NO showers available for many, many, many miles. So, now I think maybe I"ll look into day hiking. That sounds like something I could do.
One final note, I'm watching coverage right now on the bombs that went off at the Boston marathon. My thoughts are with all those who were affected.
Goodnight friends.

Under the Weather

I've been feeling under the weather since arriving home to DC, thanks go to my Mom for that. I have found that my eating and exercising have suffered because of being sick.
One big issue for my pre-Green Mountain self was that I let things like these, vacations and being sick, become a road block. After I would get home from a vacation or after I would get better from being sick, I would not be able to pick up where I left off.
So my goal for this week is to start my exercising again after I feel better. I will start out slowly and work my way back up to where I was before I went to Florida.
I was disappointed to learn that the beginners tennis class I had enrolled in at an Alexandria park had been cancelled due to low enrollment. It was supposed to start on Monday. I'm hoping to be able to enroll in the next class that starts up in the summer. I have always wanted to be able to play tennis and I'm determined to keep trying.
The weather is so beautiful today, I might try to go for a leisurely walk despite feeling bad.

Having fun at Disney!

Hello friends. I just realized how long it's been since I've updated my blog. Thats no way to keep my readers happy! I've been in Florida for the past week having a fun time with my family. On Thursday morning, my Mom and I did the Green Mountain Morning Momentum DVD. Actually we did the "midafternoon momentum DVD." I realize now that my difficulty with morning comes directly from my Mom. I think this must be a trait I inherited from my Mom's side of the family. Even my grandmother could always sleep the morning away if she had the chance. I can't really speak for my cousins on my Mom's side, maybe they can comment on here and let me know. If I can establish that this is something I inherited from my Mom's side of the family, I can say my inability to get up in the morning is familial and I won't have to feel so bad about not being a morning person!!
Graesen and I had a great time riding bikes. There is a nice trail that picks up close to my Mom's development called the Pinellas trail. There are several places where the trail crosses intersections and there are pedestrian bridges over the intersections. Grae and I had fun riding up a long ramp to get on the bridge and then turning around and riding as fast as we could down the ramp.
After Graesen got out of school, we took a ride down to the St Petersburg beach. Graesen took off running to the beach and I followed him. I felt so proud that I was able to run the whole length of the beach without getting too winded.
Saturday started our Disney adventure. There was no time to get in any exercise while we were at Disney but I'm pretty sure I made up for that with the walking we did around Magic Kingdom. I wore my Fitbit and on Saturday, it registered 12,938 steps and on Sunday, 13,958 steps. Approx 10,000 steps equals about 5 miles so I think we did pretty good.
Getting a healthy meal at Disney was a little difficult. I allowed myself the freedom to eat the food without feeling guilty about it. I didn't indulge in very many of the sweet treats that are sold everywhere so I was proud of that.
So tomorrow I'm back to work and back to my workout schedule. I only did one day of my Jillian Michael's Body Revolution, so I am going to start from scratch tomorrow night.
I have a few stressors in my life right now and I have to fight the urge to break down and use food to deal with my stress. I need to go to the grocery store and stock back up on groceries so I have healthy choices to make. I also want to break out my bike since I had so much fun riding my Mom's bike. The weather here in DC really warmed up while I was away and I am looking forward for some chances to get outside to exercise.