Ruts and funks

Sometimes life does not go the way we want it to. It's a simple concept that I am fully aware of. Life isn't fair, we learn that as children. Things don't always go our way. But for a (occasional) control freak like myself, it's a difficult concept to accept. I usually do a good job accepting life as it comes. However, sometimes, when things are thrown at me like baseballs, it just gets to be too much. My inner child (my rebel self) wants to throw a tantrum. Stomp my feet, scream at the top of my lungs. But my practical self, my annoying, overbearing practical self, will not allow me. I must be nice. I must take everything graciously, smiling all the way. And when that all just seems like too much, what do I do? I descend into a funk. Feeling all funkyfied, I forget that exercise makes me feel better. In fact, my rebel self refuses to exercise. I just wallow in all my funkyfied funkiness.
It goes like this. Practical Julia says, come on now, it's time to workout. Rebel Julia says, NO, and stomps her foot. I WON'T DO IT. I WILL SIT ON THIS COUCH. WALLOWING IN MY FUNK. Rebel Julia has a strong will and usually wins out when it comes to this.
But the fact of the matter is that wallowing will not change the circumstances. It will not put off adult decisions that must be made. People will still leave and work will still roll around every morning. And all the Green Mountain experience will not get my ass off the couch if I don't let it.
So what do I do? Well, tonight I used all my Green Mountain learning to help pull myself out of my funk. Did I put on my sneakers and work out? Nope. I took a bath. A long, hot, steaming bath in my wonderfully deep bathtub. And I played my favorite Norah Jones CD. And I petted my cat and used my absolute best smelling lavendar lotion after my bath. I used every single self soothing technique I could remember that Darla taught us. And I wrote it all out here, where everyone can read it because I've found that blogging makes me feel better.
Even 2 weeks at Green Mountain can't change the fact that we all go through funks. We all sometimes feel like life is beating us black and blue. It can't change that sometimes we don't want to smile and be pleasant and congratulate everyone else on all the wonderful things happening to them, all the while screaming inside, I want something wonderful too!! We just have to make wonderful for ourselves, even if it was just a wonderful, lavender scented hot bath. Small steps here. Ridiculously small steps.