That one thing...

You know how, when you are really stressed, and there is this one small thing that happens that usually would be totally nothing. But at that moment, when you are already totally stressed and emotional, it becomes that one thing that sends you over the edge. To a total meltdown. And you find yourself on the couch, crying, because you can't find your headphones. Well, yeah, that was me this evening. Crying over headphones.
Let me back up. As I have said in other blogs, I have a few things in my life right now that are causing me stress. They are things I would rather not talk about here but the people that are close to me know about. Anyway, I learned a lot of techniques at Green Mountain to help me deal with stress. The problem is using those techniques instead of falling into your usual old habits. When I get really stressed and upset, I tend to sit on my couch and do nothing. Just sit. I also use food to deal with stress. So this evening, I found myself sitting on my couch, over thinking and allowing thoughts to run like mad through my mind. Then I took a deep breath and decided, what would my Green Mountain me do right now?? She would get up and take a walk! So I put my sneakers on and got some water in a water bottle and went into my bedroom to get my headphones. My headphones were in my carry on bag and the last time I used them was on the plane home from Florida. I reached into my carry on bag, which I realized was completely unpacked, and no headphones. So I walked into my living room, still calm at this point, to see if they were there. No. So maybe the kitchen? No. Then I started to get flustered. Where were they? Checked the carry on bag again, kitchen again, living room again. No headphones. That was when the meltdown started. No headphones! How as I going to go on a walk without my headphones! Plus I keep my headphones in this little bag that my boyfriend gave me from Pakistan and l love that little bag. I was almost more upset about losing the bag than the headphones. I can replace the headphones but not the bag. After completely turning my apartment upside down and looking everywhere for my headphones, I had to admit to myself they were gone. They probably fell out of my carry on bag in the plane. Well, cue meltdown. I couldn't go on a walk without my headphones! And if I couldn't go on a walk, I was completely letting down my Green Mountain me! I was literally ready to head for my bed and hide under my covers (Darla taught us about self soothing techniques and one is swaddling, in other words, burying yourself in the covers). But I took a deep breath and tried very hard to move past my meltdown. You don't have to go on a walk. You can do the Green Mountain Momentum DVD. You can restart Jillian Michaels Body Revolution, which I've been meaning to do anyway. Deep breath, drink some water, deep breath. So I did the Jillian Michaels Body Revolution day 1 DVD and it was hard!! I sweated for 30 minutes straight. And when I was done, I was so happy I did it. Which leads me to a Green Mountain affirmation, you will never regret a workout. You will never work out and think afterwards, I really wish I hadn't done that. You will always feel better after a workout than before.
I received 2 pieces of mail today that brought a little happiness to my otherwise stressful day. One is the thank you letter I wrote to myself on day 10 of my time at Green Mountain. I had intentionally planned to have them mail this to me in one month. I've been home a little over one month now and it's arrival couldn't have been at a better time.

My Green Mountain Thank You letter

The second piece of mail was "This Month Belongs to Me!" cards that my BFF Beth (at Beth's New Start, check out her blog) made me. The cards are a months worth of affirmations and reminders. All laminated and on cute paper. Beth is so creative!! Day # 4 says, I have never regretted being active. Exactly!! Thanks Beth!

On a completely lighter note, I have just finished rereading a book called Wild (by Cheryl Strayed). This is an amazing book, and just as amazing the second time around, about a woman who sets out to hike the Pacific Crest Trail from California to Oregon. Her journey is inspiring. I would highly recommend it! I am now rereading A Walk in the Woods (by Bill Bryson) about a man who hikes the complete Appalachian Trail from Georgia to Maine. I read it first quite a few years ago so it's almost like reading it for the first time. I'm only about a chapter into it. Well, I was thoroughly inspired by Wild that I thought, I could go hiking like that. Wouldn't that be awesome. It would be such a journey of self discovery. Maybe I wouldn't have to do the whole trail. Maybe take a month off work, hike a months worth of the Appalachian trail. Which led me to start researching hiking on the Appalachian trail. Which quickly led me to realize, I don't think I could do that. You have to use outhouses. If they are available. Otherwise, you have to bury your own poop. And there detailed explanations on how to do that. And there are snakes, and spiders, and ticks, and rodents, and bears. And there are NO showers available for many, many, many miles. So, now I think maybe I"ll look into day hiking. That sounds like something I could do.
One final note, I'm watching coverage right now on the bombs that went off at the Boston marathon. My thoughts are with all those who were affected.
Goodnight friends.